i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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