There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
