I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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