Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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