i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
