No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
