please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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