I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
