I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
