it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
