got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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