Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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