Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
