I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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