i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
she smelled like a LAN party
Life is so much better after having sex.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
