A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
