please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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