Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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