AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You've changed since you got that strap on
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
