If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
