So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
