Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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