on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
