he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
