Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
