Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
