Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Jerry, you need to find god
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
