The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
