2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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