Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
