I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
