I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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