dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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