just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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