I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
