atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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