if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
