I just made out with a guy for $7.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Randomize
