it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize