I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
