I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize