Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
