I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
