i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
