Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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