shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
