i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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