I'm gonna have a badass scar
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
