Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
