I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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