Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
