I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
