dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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