The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
