so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
