Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
