umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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