You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Your cock deserves a montage
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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