He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
