so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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