she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
