Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize