Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize