Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Randomize
