I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
