all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We're too hungover to prance.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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