nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
