yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I will die if light touches me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
